Love Dare Day 13 Disagreeing with dignity.

    

I also wanted to include the “rules of engagement” for the blog because they’re so great:

“We” boundaries are rules you both agree on beforehand, rules that apply during any fight or altercation.  And each of you has the right to gently but directly enforce them if these rules are violated.  These could include:

1. We will never mention divorce.
2. We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past.
3. We will never fight in public or in front of our children.
4. We will call a “time out” if conflict escalates to a damaging level.
5. We will never touch one another in a harmful way.
6. We will never go to bed angry with one another.
7. Failure is not an option.  Whatever it takes, we will work this out.

 “Me” boundaries are rules you personally practice on your own.  Here are some of the most effective examples:

1. I will listen first before speaking.  “Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” (James 1:19).
2. I will deal with my own issues up-front.  “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3)
3. I will speak gently and keep my voice down.  “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

      

     Love and fighting. Love and fighting fair! Love lets the other win and now we have to fight fair! Now, here is a  dare that will really get you thinking! Here is our evening, just as an example. I'm going on a date with my hubby. And I'm pretty excited. However, there is always a little tension till we figure out where we are going to go for dinner. As, I only eat certain things limits our selection. We always have to compermise here. 

     And this is usually where the fight starts. Low blows happen. All over food. But we just had that yesterday, but too greasy, but their fries aren't good, but this and that and the other from me. I don't think I am trying to pick a fight. Just trying to pick a place to eat. So why does it end in a fight? Because, I need to think before I speak! 

     That brings me to the first "me" boundary! In any fight, I need to think before I speak. That is a weakness I have... I'm too quick and hot headed and don't blow off steam too easily.  That is one weapon I really need to change. I will start speaking gently, and keep my voice down. 

     By the way Bert still won yesterdays fight by default!! I still don't have a voice! Keeping my voice down on a fight was super easy yesterday. Maybe the Lord has done this to remind me of a few things and to take into consideration about thinking before I speak reguarlly. 

     Another list of "me" would be to not use the words, you always, or you never. Another fight is, you always want to play music on your off weekends.  You never want to spend time with me, because you are playing music. WOW. I just read those. I need to imagine that my husband cares a lot about his music. And when he hears those words, I'm sure it pokes him or pushes his buttons. It would push mine for sure. 

     

     Since "Me" boundaries are rules you personally practice on your own, I wasn't going to post them on here. However, I want my husband to know so that way he can start to see the improvements =) 

     1- I need to think before I speak

     2- I won't  use the words YOU NEVER

     3- I won't use t he words YOU ALWAYS

     

     I love today's Love Dare, I want the other side to be healthier during a fight. The deepest damage I have ever done is say things before I think in a conflict. Fighting fair means changing my ways. I will memorize the rules that the blog listed, and make a list of our own. I pray that I will be able to change my evil ways of fighting.