Love Dare Day 14!

     Bert and I both read today's dare, but we didn't complete or follow through with it. I'm still out of order with no voice. However, I think Bert completed the dare, and I didn't. Bert gave up practicing on his bass, enjoying his evening at home just lounging. He took me to a movie and a dinner. The evening was successful! I relearned my husband does listen to my needs and wants. I've been wanting to go see a movie for a long time. Didn't matter what movie. Just get out and do something we usually don't do.
     I didn't put up a fight about where we ate or what movie we saw. I was just as excited that my husband suggested going to a movie and a dinner!!! We have only been on two movie and dinner dates since he and I first got together six years ago!!! SERIOUSLY!
     I think I tried this morning to complete the dare. I let him nap this morning. I slept in. And when I got up and moving he was ready for his morning nap. I let him sleep for an hour uninterrupted. I let him snore. I didn't wake him up like I usually do. He only snores when he is really tired, or needs that rest. I let him sleep and enjoy his snoring.
     What I neglected was going to the grocery store. We had planned on going all morning. I gave up going with him, so he could sleep. I can't go grocery shopping by myself with no voice and not being able to talk to the cashier. Talk about me ordering my dinner tonight! That was funny!!! The waiter brought me a tea and not a coke and I couldn't even speak up to say he brought me the wrong drink. Finally Bert did!!
     I really enjoy time with Bert. I loved how the dare talked a lot about romance and mushy things in the bible. And we ended up going to see a mushy romantic movie!! =) I like mushy things though.
     Most of all, I liked doing something out of the ordinary. Days start blending in, routines get so usual. Changing up the scene from time to time makes me oh so happy. I could watch movies all day long. I have a movie list out the ying yang. I was so happy he wanted to go sit through a movie with me. And I didn't even have to suggest going!!!

     You are wonderful honey!! Thank you for this great evening to remember!!!
    

Love Dare Day 13 Disagreeing with dignity.

    

I also wanted to include the “rules of engagement” for the blog because they’re so great:

“We” boundaries are rules you both agree on beforehand, rules that apply during any fight or altercation.  And each of you has the right to gently but directly enforce them if these rules are violated.  These could include:

1. We will never mention divorce.
2. We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past.
3. We will never fight in public or in front of our children.
4. We will call a “time out” if conflict escalates to a damaging level.
5. We will never touch one another in a harmful way.
6. We will never go to bed angry with one another.
7. Failure is not an option.  Whatever it takes, we will work this out.

 “Me” boundaries are rules you personally practice on your own.  Here are some of the most effective examples:

1. I will listen first before speaking.  “Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” (James 1:19).
2. I will deal with my own issues up-front.  “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3)
3. I will speak gently and keep my voice down.  “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

      

     Love and fighting. Love and fighting fair! Love lets the other win and now we have to fight fair! Now, here is a  dare that will really get you thinking! Here is our evening, just as an example. I'm going on a date with my hubby. And I'm pretty excited. However, there is always a little tension till we figure out where we are going to go for dinner. As, I only eat certain things limits our selection. We always have to compermise here. 

     And this is usually where the fight starts. Low blows happen. All over food. But we just had that yesterday, but too greasy, but their fries aren't good, but this and that and the other from me. I don't think I am trying to pick a fight. Just trying to pick a place to eat. So why does it end in a fight? Because, I need to think before I speak! 

     That brings me to the first "me" boundary! In any fight, I need to think before I speak. That is a weakness I have... I'm too quick and hot headed and don't blow off steam too easily.  That is one weapon I really need to change. I will start speaking gently, and keep my voice down. 

     By the way Bert still won yesterdays fight by default!! I still don't have a voice! Keeping my voice down on a fight was super easy yesterday. Maybe the Lord has done this to remind me of a few things and to take into consideration about thinking before I speak reguarlly. 

     Another list of "me" would be to not use the words, you always, or you never. Another fight is, you always want to play music on your off weekends.  You never want to spend time with me, because you are playing music. WOW. I just read those. I need to imagine that my husband cares a lot about his music. And when he hears those words, I'm sure it pokes him or pushes his buttons. It would push mine for sure. 

     

     Since "Me" boundaries are rules you personally practice on your own, I wasn't going to post them on here. However, I want my husband to know so that way he can start to see the improvements =) 

     1- I need to think before I speak

     2- I won't  use the words YOU NEVER

     3- I won't use t he words YOU ALWAYS

     

     I love today's Love Dare, I want the other side to be healthier during a fight. The deepest damage I have ever done is say things before I think in a conflict. Fighting fair means changing my ways. I will memorize the rules that the blog listed, and make a list of our own. I pray that I will be able to change my evil ways of fighting. 

Love lets the other one win!

     Can you say Day 12!!! I feel so accomplished in my love dare! I've been able to turn the dares into my daily photos, been able to turn my dares into loving my husband more, and today, I have to let him win a fight! Shouldn't be too hard to do considering, I DONT HAVE A VOICE! Oh, he gets off so easy on today's dare!!!
     Right now, I'm giving my husband what he really appreciates. Playing his bass. He is playing his bass in the kitchen! Now, he has a man cave. A recording studio is a better term. But this morning, he chose the kitchen. I can't watch my tv. I can't hear my phone ring. I can't hear my own thoughts. Sorry if this blog is a bit choppy. He said I hope you don't mind. I don't mind. Honest. But the cats do. I'm more worried about where they will run and hide because DADDYS big bass amp is in the kitchen!
     So, I can pass through the kitchen and get a glass of coke, and not say a WORD! Allergy season. Bad asthma attack this morning. I couldn't put up a fight even if I wanted to right now. And, I'm enjoying some of the songs he is playing. Most people would say this is not an easy dare to do. Sometimes I put up a big fight. But when it comes to his hour of Bert's time, he usually gets it playing his bass. I'd rather us be heading out to go get pizza! By the way, I had to write that down to tell him I was hungry.
     But with today's dare, I'm letting him have his time in the kitchen playing his bass. Regardless of him having a studio or man cave to go play in. I know what he has to learn before tonight. I will not stop him. I will not fight him on this. I am willingly letting my husband practice in the kitchen. Oh my... he should appreciate this blog! Giving into this battle didn't cost me a thing. I actually wish he would practice in the kitchen more often. I'm sure he thinks I get tired of  hearing him play. That's why he goes to the studio. In reality, I like the company. I like t he sound of music. Always loved music myself.
     By letting him win this battle, I think it will really improve our future to show that he can have his time with me in the next room. I hope it shows I want to be a part of his music. I love you Mr  Bert Guidry!

Love Lets the Other Win

Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests others.  – Philippians 2:4

A Lifetime lesson from day eleven!

     Two are better than one. I chose to help my husband with putting in the light fixture, with a smile on my face. He had to stand up on a chair to reach the ceiling. Yes, my tall Bert, still has to stand on a chair for things like that. There were four, four foot lights he had to install in the light fixture. I could only imagine him getting off and on the chair four different times and how much time that it would take up.
     I gladly helped him unwrap one of the fixtures when he brought it home. I also handed him the lights as he put each one in the over head fixture. I began thinking how much time he would have spent on that, if I didn't gladly help him out. I began thinking maybe 30 minutes or so.
     In that time I helped him save, I knew he could do something else with it. Two is better than one with accomplishing household tasks. Instead of asking, hey honey, can you do this or can you do that. I will from now on ask, do you need any help or assistance with this or with that.
     I wonder how much time out of our day that we could save by always being willing to help our husbands. Seems sometimes we are more willing to help that perfect stranger walking with a cane in the grocery store than our own mate. We become selfish in our marriage. Not because we want to, but we let the routines of the day consume what we could be doing to help the other.

LOVE DARE DAY ELEVEN

     Day eleven! Love cherishes. Scripture Verse: "Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies." Eph 5:28. THE DARE: What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or a foot massage? Is there housework that you could help with? Choose a gesture that says... "I cherish you..." and do it with a smile.
     This day gave an interesting perspective on how we should cherish our spouse. This is osmething that comes natural int he early days of our relationship and marriage. We think everything they say and do is wonderful. One day you wake up and realize that your spouse isn't perfect. And over time we began to take them for granted and cherish them less. In my case this was very unintentional.
    Okay, ladies, just because this scripture is talking to husbands, doesn't mean that we don't have to listen to it. In fact, we have to listen to every word. Look at it this way, if you broke your favorite necklace, you would do everything in your power to fix it right? Just like a man gets hurt by when his vehicle is broken, or his motorcycle, or his guitar. Well, it's the same with marriage. Because things aren't always going smoothly doesn't mean it's time to kill the relationship because it's going to be too expensive to fix. You work at it to try to fix the problem. You save money and take it to a mechanic. Or with marriage, you save money and go fix your problem with a marriage counsler.
     If we love our spouse like we love ourselves, then we should always try our best to take care of them. IF we love our hobbies, we should love their hobbies and every little thing about them. This means that if you say or do something hurtful to your spouse you are ultimately hurting yourself.  This task again building on all the other aspects and tasks that have been covered so far.
     With all of this in mind, the task for this day was to do something for them that shows them you cherish them. Bert is running an errand to go get a new light fixture in the kitchen. I have been bugging him for a week to go run that errand for me. I'm guessing he has already read today's dare and going to get the fixture with a smile on his face. I think when he gets home, I will eagerly help him fix it with a smile on my face. I feel as if I am starting to run out of tasks to do! I wonder what the next dare will bring us!
     And I think since he actually remembered to bring his cell phone with him today to run the errand, I'll simply text a little, I LOVE YOU to him =) I think that would bring a smile on his face letting him know I was thinking about him....
    

    

Our Love Is Unconditional

    Today's Dare asks us to do something out of the ordinary for our spouse. I've been doing little things here lately out of the ordinary. Making the bed, (which I should do more often, but only been doing it since  we have gotten further into the dare to show my husband I do listen) .... Closing his chest of drawers behind him.... doing dishes more than once a day and actually, and do I dare say it... but I'm learning to enjoy doing the dishes. I'm learning to enjoy it because I see the look on my husbands face after I do them. It feels rewarding sitting there doing the dishes and watching him have his me time on the lap top.
    The dare gives us examples, wash the car, clean the house, buy his favorite dessert, fold the laundry... well, Monday, I folded his laundry just to show I care, Tuesday, I went to the dollar store and found girl scout cookies in his favorite flavor, (still unopened), and yesterday I closed the chest of drawers behind him. I'm starting to run out of ideas. I had to give this dare a little thought.
     I think I could clean the shower door in our bathroom. I don't know why, but he seems to do it often. And I really don't ever think about cleaning the shower door. Growing up, I always had shower curtains! I'd see Mom bleach them maybe once or twice, then go to the store and buy a new one! I am more of a bubble bath person. My tub stays clean 70% of the time. But since our tub and shower are different from each other, I think I may clean the shower door.
     OR.... Last year for his birthday, I made my own coupons for couples.  An example of one said this is a coupon for a shower for two!! Maybe he will pick that one after he sees the clean shower door!!! And this list of coupons has gone untouched for a while. I think this blog will refresh his memory about them. I told him, that the coupons could be used more than once and had no expiration date!!! I think I may tell him to open up the list of coupons and let him have his choice. It's always good to see a refresher like that!
     Unconditional love needs refreshments from time to time! The dare says too many marriages end with the words, "I don't love you anymore." Maybe showing him the coupon book and letting him choose a coupon will refresh the fundamental nature of my true love for him.   The bible says, love hopes in all things, Cor 13:7. I hope my husband enjoys my act in this dare today! Especially since I ended up with a headache to try and think of something that shows our love for each other is a choice. I think letting him choose a coupon will be a prime example of love being a choice. Choosing to love your marriage unconditionally with your husband and walking with the Lord is one of the greatest freedoms you will ever have!!

Love Dare Day 9 COMPLETE!!! =)

     I was right. My husband didn't expect that greeting!! He came home, I walked right on out side. He was already making it out of the truck. I pulled him into me, gave him a big hug, and told him that I am so happy I am married to him! I gave him a smooch too =) I always feel this way, and I hope my one dramatic attempt will prove it to him this morning!!! I know it did! He hadn't read today's love dare yet, and was wondering what brought all this excitement on!! I said silly, you didn't read your dare for today yet did you. 

     Before today's dare, I've never thought of this fact. The usual, "Hi honey..." comes out with so much day to day routine and without much thought. Through today's exercise, I realized often what we say can be taken for granted. It was time to make the effort to do it to show the appreciation I have for Bert.  From here on out, I want every greeting to have been felt with the warmth and not so mundane routine. 

     As quoted from the book, remember, love is a choice. So choose to change your greeting. Choose to love. I love you Mr Bert Guidry. You were my perfect choice to love!! I love you with all of my heart! 

     

    

LOVE DARE DAY 9 Hello with a kiss!

"Yeahhhhh.... right." Is a comment I found myself making as I read today's love dare challenge for day 9. I scratched my head a time or two reading through until I got to the example from Luke 15:20. "While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him." This is exactly how Bert greats me when he gets off of work for after not seeing him for 12 hours. His says his greeting best to me without saying nothing at all, but a kiss and a hug.
     Got me to thinking, how do I answer the phone in the morning, how do I greet my own mother, how do I greet a total stranger? In the morning it's usually not so nice to anyone except a complete stranger. Funny isn't it. We can go to a gas station in the morning for caffeine of our choice and with pure joy and excitement tell the girl behind the counter, "Good Morning... I hope you have a good day..." a lot quicker and easier than we can our own husband when the alarm goes off. And that's kind of the point. We should treat our hubby in the morning the same way we treat total stranger getting our morning caffeine. Not a roll of the eye saying, ugh the alarm is going off it's 4:30 am. Or We shouldn't say... turn that silly alarm off. Now should we? We should say, I love you honey! I'm thankful the Lord blessed us with another day together!
     So, nothing spells out special and loved like a good greeting. A welcoming greeting shows someone they are loved and they were missed. Even when you fall asleep at night and get lost in your dreams, you should want to wake up right next to your husband with a smile on your face and say I love you with morning breath and all!!!
     Today's Dare: Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your hubby today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.
     This morning, Bert has his company yearly physical. Upon leaving, he made the comment about the grass getting greener. I couldn't be more than happy to welcome the green grass back to our yard. I started applying how excited I was to see the tiniest of patches of green to our yard and how we both welcomed them with a loving embrace! Spring is near! We all get excited about spring after a long cold winter. Just think if it were spring all year around in our love!!! Especially how he and I both greeted the green grass in a joyous tone!

     I also began journaling that there is a specific way you greet those at church on Sunday morning. We have been going to a small church. I was used to going to a huge church with a large congregation. You might not sit to the person you sat next to the first of the month as the last of the month. But, we always took a few brief moments to greet others around us. I started remembering these mornings. You could see some were wide awake and alert, and you could guess the ones that would be nodding off in five minutes by the greeting they had for you. 

    Got me to thinking. I want to greet my love like the ones that were wide awake and alert. I don't want our marriage to nod off in five minutes. See the point I'm making? Do your greeting with smile and enthusiasm and it will be remembered for the rest of the day! Granted, we did ours with a hand shake and a hi, good morning, how are you, my name is. My husband and I have been together for almost six years now. I can tell how he is when he wakes up by the tone of him slapping the alarm off. Won't have to ask that question often. We know each others name. lol. I  need to work on a greeting other than HI. 

     When my husband comes home from work, he greets me with a kiss. It makes me feel very important and valued. When he leaves down the drive way in the morning, he leaves blowing a kiss. When he does this just those few moments seem like a lifetime. Makes me feel like I am the center of his world. I need to do just the same for him. I need to be waiting in the driveway when he comes home from his company physical and be the first to welcome him with a kiss of love. I don't think he would expect that! I think I will also add a little, I'm so happy I'm married to you with my greeting!!! I always feel this way, and I hope my one dramatic attempt will prove it to him this morning!!!

  

I'll be the greatest fan of your life...

     I hope that your positive list on the previous day was as long as mine. If not, please know that I am praying for you. Day 7 reminds us the only time you should glance in the door of the Depreciation Room is to know how to pray for your spouse. You will find more to concentrate on if you continue to focus on the positive list on Dare 8. Funny thing is about looking for the positive, we can find it. Be warned, after talking to another friend on the Dare for day 7, it works the other way as well.
    Today starts a new fresh week in the Love Dare. I must say the first week we met some challenges with our dares. But I'm still trying to work my way through the problems to make them better.
     Jealousy is something we all share. In my book it should be a deadly sin to be jealous. It is. It's envy. If you aren't envious of something, then you aren't jealous. Jealousy starts when we have a strong passion for something. I am very passionate about my photography as my husband is passionate about his music.
     This is where that, "what's yours is mine, what's mine is yours..." part of your promise comes into place. Rather than looking at it as my hubby plays music on his off weekends and I am sleeping half the day recovering from staying out late hours... I should look at it as, he is doing what he was placed here on this earth to do. People don't always want a photo shoot, but people always want to hear good music. I should look at it as, my hubby is amazing at what he does, and his success shows. I take pride in his music. I post status updates to get people to come to his shows. I chair cheerlead for him after every song, clapping and whoot whooting. I very rarely ccasionally get up and dance.
     And hubby, instead of being jealous I have a photo session that day should want to make sure to see that is time for me to be refreshed so that I can bring even more into the relationship. It's all in the perspective, all in the way you look at it. No ones talents should be put before the others. They should be shared with equal passion. And not be jealous. This means no one's talent should consume more time than the others.
     But I know I will always be at your show being the biggest fan. Only missing a gig if I am deathly ill. I think in the six years we have been together, I only showed up late to one gig. When I should have stayed home and get well... I wanted to show my support for you.
     When I first read today's dare, the song, I'll be got stuck in my mental juke box. And it's been there since 4:30 am this morning. When we first got together and had been married for a year, we talked about possibly getting married in a church on our fifth year of marriage after we had found a church and a pastor we both loved. I think that the song I'll be should be our official second dance. =) That would make me oh so happy!!!
     I found it very easy to destroy the list of negatives. I was more than happy to burn it and have it out of my house. I almost failed the dare because I didn't want to write anything at all on the list of negatives. ANYTHING! My husband and I have so many positive experiences we have shared. Lately we have been focusing on the negative a little bit much. And how to improve the negative. I think we should REMIND ourselves of the positive more OFTEN. And not dwell on the negative. We know what the negative is, but it doesn't need to start sounding like a broken record. I think that is one way we can both encourage each other toward future success on both of our parts. IF we constantly think of negative experiences then the happy ones won't get as much attention.
     The last paragraph was just an observation....

     A success my husband recently enjoyed was celebrating his 51 birthday. The event was held at a local bar where he and I had our first date. SO many happy memories from our marriage have come out of that establishment. He was surrounded by all of his friends and some family even came by to surprise him. He had a huge smile on his face all night. The way he turned 51 is the way I wish to turn 51, with all of my biggest fans supporting me. Turning 51 is a big accomplishment =) I just thought turning 21 was!!!!

Today's love dare was to burn the list of negative attributes about your spouse and focus on their achievements. It also said to discreetly burn the list, but when I got done burning it, the piece of paper left almost looked like a heart!! Of course, picture!!! =) So much for being discreet about it huh? ♥ Love is as strong as death. IT's jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire. Song of Soloman 8:6. Jealousy is one of the strongest drives known to man. It comes from the root word ZEAL. Zeal means to burn with intense fire.

_________________________
"I'll Be"

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath.
And emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth.
Tell me that we belong together,
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.

[Chorus:]
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed.
You're my survival, you're my living proof.
My love is alive -- not dead.
Tell me that we belong together.
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

[Chorus]

And I've dropped out, I've burned up, I've fought my way back from the dead.
I've tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said

[Chorus:]
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your...
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

The greatest fan of your life.
...greatest fan of your life. 

  
 

LOVE DARE DAY 7

     When I first met my husband, I formed an impression of him. It was love at first sight. Everyone else thought we were together before we were together. Today I was just as easily reminded of his positive qualities that I loved when I first met him, and still love about him to this day almost six years later.  The love dare said there is an appreciation room that we should always live in. And forget about the depreciation room where negative thoughts or qualities hide.
     I did today's dare a little differently. I first thought how would someone describe me? I asked myself, what's good about me. The list was easy to make. I think I am a very positive person. Thinking positively about someone, including myself is a lot easier to do. I am a strong Christian woman. I don't dwell on someone's negatives. If I love someone, I even love the negative quirks about them too. I don't let the negative thoughts about someone cause me to have worry and grey hair.
     The longer the list got with my positive qualities, I knew this part of the dare would be easy. I listed a full page of 27 positive qualities that my husband has, and there were two that came up on that list not even thinking. I wrote down my husband is very forgiving. If he and I fight, we are quickly to forgive and move on. We don't hold grudges. That doesn't mean we don't ever go to sleep mad at each other, sometimes we do, and discuss the fight the next morning when we have cooled off steam.
     I think if we put some practice and patience first into describing how we think others see us, it would help us with personal relationships too. It improved my self esteem this morning to conquer this love dare. I described myself with a word insightful. I think when you read this blog you will understand that one. I am able to think of things very deeply in thought. Sometimes I love that about myself, and sometimes I wish I wasn't so insightful. I was so insightful about this dare seven, I read it Friday and thought it would be a lot harder than it was. It turned out being very easy with doing it listing positive qualities about myself first.
     I then tried to think about some negative qualities people might not like about me. One of them that stuck out was, I talk too much. I can talk about anything and everything all day and all night. I am not happy about this quality. I like to talk, but I know it has gotten me in trouble opening my big mouth when I shouldn't. One of the previous dares has taught me that some things are best left unsaid. And I'm going to strongly work on that saying for my well being.
     It was hard enough to pin point one weak area about myself. I could only list three things about Bert that belong in the Negative Depreciation Room. An entire sheet of positives and only three negatives. Granted, I know there are a few more I could list, but I know for those few more about me I could list, Bert might have ten more things about me. I know we aren't perfect. I never claimed to be perfect. But I want to work on seeing the positive in myself and my husband and not dwell on the negative... there is no room in life to let the negative qualities in you outshine your positive.
     Obviously, the list that was easier for me to make was the positive. It says I'm a very positive thinker. I don't let negative qualities about someone ring in my ear. Since being forgiving ended up on the positive list twice, I will thank my husband for being a very forgiving person. Bert likes to think there is a middle road, a happy medium if you will. There is no room for grudges in his life. I can learn a lot from my husband. I want to work with my husband and for  him. I don't think my husband would be 51 with bright red hair if he held grudges and didn't forgive easy. He would be all grey by now. By the way, I also listed his unique red hair as one of the reasons I feel in love with him. It makes his bright blue eyes just stand out.
     What can I say, I love my guy just the way he is. I want to live in a room covered in love!!!

  
  

Believing the best and wanting the best

 The secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life and elevating them to art. That also means believing the best and wanting the best. I've had dare 7 on my mind all weekend and getting it started... what I have learned so far is that we tend to magnify the negative qualities about those we love. Sure we have already established we are not perfect. But I want to have the best genuine interest in my husband. But the fact I'm making is, if we found enough in them to love the bad might not be as bad as we make it out or seem. 
      We should try to think positive thoughts about someone. Negative thoughts tend to feel like you are being judgemental, and there is only one person in this life that can judge. And it's not me. I feel in love with Bert because of his positive attitude about everything in life. Tomorrow's dare will be hard. I won't lie, there are a few negative things he does, but I don't dwell on them. Or push buttons and start fights over them. I focus more on the positive features about him.
     I love how each dare gets more challenging. Tomorrows will be a challenge. I LOVE YOU HONEY! Thanks for a wonderful weekend filled with new memories!!!

Taking a pause

     Bert and I will resume the love dare on Sunday. He and I will be putting a few of the current dares to practice this weekend =) As we have been practicing the dares every day as one builds to the next. We will come home to margin time. It will be very needed after the weekends festivities. Just giving all of our followers a heads up. No we are not stopping, just taking a pause. Day seven will resume Sunday for us =)

I want to feel you breathe =)

The Bible can help you breathe. The Bible points out many important factors that our spouses are not perfect people. Then, it also points out, neither are we perfect. If God can love us despite our habits that irritate him, then we should definitely follow the example.   I want to be a joy for my husband to  be around, and not a jerk. I don't want to be known as uh-oh, Hurricane Heather is here, I want to be the calming breeze before the storm... and never have to show the storm. Let God handle the storm. You know the saying, "Don't tell God how Big your storm is, tell the Storm how Big your God is."

     I try hard to speak to the storm, "peace, be still" and throw my cares on the LORD.  I'm thankful for days where I can sit at home and enjoy my still time. The time to hear myself think and breathe. Lately here my husbands off weekends aren't so off. We are off, and not at the house to enjoy our breathing room with each other. You can get so on the go, and before you know it, busy schedules start to conflict and add extra stress. I know I have been gasping for air for some time now and beyond ready to add some margin time to my schedule.

     This is really another area of a work in progress. Recently I was overly sensitive and cranky at a situation that we found ourselves in because of lack of rest. My husband works swing shift. It's hard for me to mention or talk to him unless I'm face to face with him. I took him out to lunch today and reminded him I might have a potential wedding to shoot on a certain date. In the middle of our conversation, the phone rang. Did he ignore the call? NO. He picked it up.

     I took him out to lunch so I could talk to him in person and enjoy twenty minutes of our time before he has to go back to sleep. He spent ten minutes of it on the phone. I did respond very pleasantly back to Bert. I tried talking it out nicely with him in the car on the way home when he finally got off of the phone. I usually would have really flipped out over him taking time away from me. But I discussed it rationally. I told him that we have several people that don't mind telling us that they are eating and talking to their spouse about something important, can we call them back if we call them and they are eating. It's not rude to let someone off of the phone if you are eating and talking with your wife about an important date.

     Then I get home and read my love dare about love not being irritable. WOW. Yesterday's not being rude dare had rubbed off on me. I rationally told my husband that I was wanting some time with him. Not with him on the phone at lunch.

     During the middle of my love dare and reflecting on this devotion, someone started walking up our driveway. Without showing irritation, I asked them if I could help them. It was an upset woman asking to use a phone to have someone come pick her up. I let her make three calls. Trying not to show my irritation as I heard each conversation, I let her call whom she needed. I hate seeing anyone upset. As she left her mother called back. Asking me if she needed any medical attention, I told her no. Then she said she would pay me $100 to bring her home, because her daughter needed an intervention. I explained to her my husband had to be at work shortly and not knowing where they lived, my husband would need his car for work, and that I'd gladly take her home if he was not working. With him in the car of course. I told her I would take her home for her without expecting a payment in return. She then said God Bless and asked where her daughter was heading. I explained. But I wasn't going to get involved completely in that situation. All I was told to do was to pray at the end. And that is exactly what I will do. Usually I would have asked the person to leave our property and that I would call the cops. We don't have a good group of people that live down the street from us. I stay out of that trouble. But I felt that God was telling me to help her out. And that she was someones daughter. Low and behold the mother was very sweet to me on the phone. I'm glad I listened to God and wasn't rude or irritable with her.

     This love dare teaches us to apply daily routines to our spouse as well as others. If we could all lend a helping hand to one another and not be so irritable. This dare teaches us to love one another as Christ loved us. We all have rough days of stress and sleep deprivation. Thank  you Lord for today's dare. For really opening up my eyes again and allowing me to not be so quick to react to situations. I love how each dare builds to the next and how you can easily apply it in areas of your daily routines.

     I need to build areas of margin into my life. I have way too much activity, always having constant change, too many choices of places and friends and people to see, talk on the phone with ect. Somedays it seems as if I have an overload. I do this to myself because I want to get the most out of my life. That sounds selfish. And at times, it's over whelming. I will admit. I can identify with Job 3:26, "I have no peace, I have no quiet. I have no rest and trouble keeps coming." I'm sure I'm not the only Christian who can identify with that verse. Christian women create margin. I have decided today to discuss with my husband on a time where he and I can both just lay on the couch and listen to each other breathe. Even if we our lost in thought. We don't have to speak to each other, just listen to the quietness of the house and be still. It would be nice if we could clear a fifteen minute daily routine of doing this in the morning and in the evening. Just to clear our heads and feel at home in our home together. I want to have peace, I want to have quiet, I want to rest, and I don't want trouble always knocking at my door. And I want to keep this area of margin as centered as I can with my husband and the Lord in it.






    

LOVE DARE DAY FIVE COMPLETE =)

There was a question in today's devotion , "would your husband say you're a blessing, or that you're condescending and embarrassing?"

Lets look at what the definition's of blessing and embarrassing are :

embarrassing- hard to deal with.

blessing- something promoting or dealing with happiness

     

     I don't know about you, but I want to be a blessing to be around. I always try my best to be a happy go lucky person. I want my husband to think I am a delightful person to spend the rest of his life with. At times we all can be hard to deal with, we all can get moody, grumpy, ect. That's part of life. But I want to spend my life with my husband as a blessing to him. 

     The dare for today was ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him to be uncomfortable or irritated with me. I only imagined what Bert was going to say. I must say, my stomach has been in knots all day because of this question. I had to think all day long about his three things that annoy me. I love my husband 110%. I even love his little quirks about him. It was really hard choosing three things about him that annoy me. I didn't want to fail the dare and not tell him anything, considering I love everything about him, even his snoring. I don't know if I could handle being without him and his snoring some nights, and other nights I'm almost glad to have the bed to myself while he is at work. lol. 

     Though, Bert told me, I annoy him when I use his side of the bathroom sink, when he needs to go to sleep I won't quit talking, and I'm a picky eater. And I told him, his snoring, that I wish he would help me out more often with the cats (litter box... feeding....), and he puts off doing things for himself. 

      I'm sure being a picky eater can be pretty embarrassing when we are out eating. I mean, it must look strange to others when I walk back to our table with a big pile of rice and gravy and a salad from a buffet. Or asking for a hamburger with only pickles. I'm sure people wonder if my husband is ordering for a pregnant wife. lol. I have recently become a little more daring. I ate a steak for the first time in my life time two years ago. 

     I can improve on using my side of the sink if we could fix the slow draining problem. We do have his and hers sinks. Bert's sink works so much better than mine, I've just started using his more often. I've even moved my tooth brush and tooth paste over to his side. But I understand it's his space and I'm invading it!! I need to go back to  using  mine again. 

     It takes me thirty minutes to fall asleep. I forget things that were important during the day I wanted to tell my husband. Then he falls asleep in five minutes. And I'm still talking. I know it bothers him, but my mind races as soon as my head hits the pillow. I've tried sleeping pills to help me sleep perscribed by a doctor of course. But they all have had odd side effects, not to mention it ruins half of the next day.

     I think I can strongly improve on these areas, may take a little bit of work and time and dedication, but to be a blessing and not embarrassing to my husband is what I am going to strive to accomplish. By my husband telling me these things, doesn't mean he loves me any less. It means he wants me to work with him and for him, not against him. I'm glad Bert still loves my faults. To love means to love everything about someone. Even if I am a picky eater, don't use my side of the sink, or talking while Bert tries to fall asleep. 

     I'm thankful for this Love Dare, it's opened up my eyes to a few things about myself. I've always been a good listener, so I was ready to hear what Bert's three annoying things were about me. I didn't attack his answers or justify. Okay, maybe I was selfish and justified my talking while sleeping and sink problem. But only so he can help me better myself and start using my sink, and remind him about trying to find ways to help me sleep hasn't worked. More or less an attempt to say I'm sorry and I'm going to try and please him more often and not be selfish in my ways.

     

     

     

LOVE DARE DAY FOUR COMPLETE =)

In the Love Dare  book it says, "the thoughtful nature of love teaches you to engage your mind before engaging your lips."

This is something I know personally really needs work for me. You know the old saying, "Loose lips sink ships?" I wonder how many marriages have been sunk by loose lips. My lips get loose when buttons are pushed. Sometimes I just can't keep my tongue from speaking before thinking. I  need to watch my tone. I can control what I say most of the time, but my tone is harsh or cynical at times.

Reflections on my dare for yesterday, contact your spouse sometime during the business day to simply ask if you can do anything for him and asking him how he is doing.

Bert and I are really good about calling during the day just to say Hi. There is no excuse not to do this to anyone, your Mom, Grandmother, Father, Grandfather, kids, friend... and your husband. This is a pretty regular routine for Bert and I. He works 12 hour shifts and sometimes I'll call to just say I love you and hear his voice. However, yesterday he was off work.

I did make time in the morning to ask him how his morning was going, and was there anything he wanted to get done today. He said you can do me, trying hard not to laugh. I said fair and simple enough. He had already taken the initiative to ask could he wash my whites for me. I said sure. He even folded them. In this house, I do my laundry always. He does his. It's just the two of us. We take care of our own clothes. For him to come out and do mine, fold them, and hang them up was a very sweet gesture.

I also said when he finally popped the question, that he could take me to the library and go with me and renew my book that I haven't finished reading yet. We enjoyed ourselves. Had a nice lunch out, took the bike out again, went to the library, and went and sat like old retired folks on a park bench at a local park. We watched the kids come and play disc golf.

Overall, I didn't do too much that I wouldn't have done on a normal basis, but I did make an effort to be more aware of whether or not my motives were solely just to make something easier for my husband and not just myself.

LOVE DARE, DAY THREE, PART TWO

COMPLETE!

Reflections...
What happened when you gave your gift to your spouse?
What did you choose to give to your spouse?

I chose to take him with me on the motorcycle, to the Leather Hut. He knew something was up my sleeve. We got there, I asked him to pick out a new do rag to wear under his  helmet. I'm glad I brought him with me, because of all the colors and sizes, he chose a one size fits most and a white do rag. When  I told him it was part of the love dare, he told me I could pick out one myself. Which I thought was very thoughtful of him to do for me. I should have picked out a matching white one, but there was a cool tie die one with jewels on the forehead area. I couldn't resist!! I told him later on I would write on his do rag LOVE X's THREE =) with a black sharpie! He chuckled. He thanked me again once we got home for his "DO DO" rag. lol. I smiled. I'm happy I could make his day with a small new do rag!

LOVE DARE, DAY THREE

      Day 3

Love is not selfish

 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love;
give preference to one another in honor. —Romans 12:10

     My husband was snoozing on the couch after I read the devotion for day three on Sunday. I like to always be ready early. Gathering ideas and thoughts early. I read that day three's dare was to buy something that says, "I was thinking of you today." Yesterday was Valentines Day. Rarely do my husband and I buy one thing specific for each other on Valentines Day. We think each day should be "LOVE DAY." Buying something for him, without him knowing, and without digging too far into the bank and asking him if it was okay to buy something when I know we have bills that must get paid and Valentines Day lunches and evening dates that we needed the extra money for would be a hard and difficult task to do. 

     I wanted something that said I was really thinking of you. My first thoughts were either something to do with his music or his motorcycle. He already has everything he wants about his music. At first I thought about going out and buying a blank cd and putting all of our love songs on it. Spending time and downloading the songs, but we no longer have a free downloading program for music. I would have only been able to buy three songs for the cd with the price of buying songs. And we only have three important songs too us anyhow, but I wanted more variety to fill up the entire cd for him. 

     Then I thought to myself, I haven't seen his motorcycle do rag lately. Thinking maybe he had lost it. That was it! That sounded so perfect!! I had no idea he and a friend of ours had planned riding the motorcycle together for Valentines Day. It was a couple friend of ours that is super sweet and I'm so happy to have shared the dare with them. They are just as in love with each other as Bert and I are in our marriage. It soon became yesterday morning. I hadn't been able to go to Chevron and buy a do rag. Most motorcycle stores in Mobile are closed Sundays and Mondays. He walked out to say he was ready and that the only thing he couldn't find of his riding gear was his "DO RAG." IRONIC! I wanted to jump for joy! 

     Then the day went on, we got busy, eating a nice romantic lunch on the water at a place where we don't get to eat often enough. Then the motorcycle ride wore us out because the wind beat us to death, so we came home, he slept for an hour, as I slept for three!!! 

     The evening progressed into my photo shoot at our local bar. It seemed as if I was going to not have enough time to buy him something that said, I was thinking of you, until today. This morning we sat on the porch and had our daily morning conversation smoking and drinking morning coffee. He said, baby, I'm sorry I didn't get you anything specific that said I was thinking of you. He did say when he was at the drug store, he thought about getting me a sucker. Each time we go in there, they don't have my flavor I like. He said, he didn't want to get the wrong flavor. lol. I told him that was okay. Then I told him what I really wanted to get him. He laughed knowing after why I was wanting to know where his do rag was yesterday. This is a man that never forgets to wear his do rag on his motorcycle. NEVER. Until he couldn't find it yesterday.

     This morning we are going to the Library to return a late book. We are taking the motorcycle. I'm hoping that I can talk him into stopping by a motorcycle shop while we are out and get him a new one that he can pick out. Do Rags come in so many sizes and colors, I'd rather him pick it out for himself so I know he would wear it and like it. =) 

     And, yes, I know that yesterday was Valentines Day. I don't expect Bert to buy a dozen roses for me. I've never been a rose lady. EVER. I like flowers, daisy's, not roses. I like chocolates, not a box of chocolates when you have to taste a bite and half of them are gross in my book. lol. I'd rather have a kit kat bar =) I'm very simple when it comes to Valentines Day...

Love Dare, Day Two, Part Two

Just wanted to share what Bert's act of kindness was for me this evening. He brought home a favorite candy bar of mine. I enjoyed every minute of it. He said he wanted to get a coke too, but didn't have enough change on him at his machines at work. I'm thankful he thought about giving this gal a little bit of chocolate. =)

As far as my dare, Bert drove up the driveway and the noodles to my spaghetti dinner had two minutes left. Everything else was ready. The dinner was delicious if I do say so myself. =) Bert thanked me for having it ready and was really surprised. He had no idea. He even commented on the dishes, and noticed I took the trash out as well.

Now we are just enjoying the evening together watching Toy Story one and Toy Story two on Disney. "You've got a friend in me... You've gotta friend in me!!"

Love Dare, Day Two

Day 2-Love is Kind

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. --Ephesians 4:32


Dare:

In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, Do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

It was really hard to say nothing negative as we walked ourselves through yesterdays arguments and worked them out. But those disagreements have been laid to rest and have been put in the hands of the Lord. I have prayed about them over and over today, until I am blue in the face. I feel let down a little that our first dare was a real dare and it came along with so many challenges. 


I think it was the pressure of knowing we had to be patient and what we read on our devotion was fresh on our minds. The devil knew what was going on and was trying his best to destroy any act of patience. It's weird how the devil can toy with you when you least want him to. And you know personally that you don't want to fail, and you are trying your best to lift your head up high to the Lord. 

I really like how the 2nd dare builds on the first, my unexpected gesture today will be having dinner ready as soon as Bert steps his foot through the door after he gets off work. I typically like to always have dinner ready when he walks in the door working day shift, but lately we have been so on the go, life has proven me to not be able to other wise. Then, I will also try and wash the dishes as I go along making dinner. I usually have Bert wash the dishes if I make dinner, vise versa. Believe me this will be very unexpected... that is if he doesn't read the blog before he leaves work. Crossing fingers!!! He has no idea either what I am fixing for him. He knows I went to the store for lunch, but he has no idea what I am fixing him for dinner. 

Discoveries about love I have observed today are, it's easier to forgive and to be kind. The one line out of this passage in the book I hope my husband read and prayed about was, kindness makes a husband curious to discover what his wife needs, then motivates him to be the one who steps up and ensures those needs are met - even if his are put on hold. Which brings us to yesterday, and the reasons for my word vomit. Just wanted to put that out there. I'm not nagging you about it again honey, just pointing out something that could have saved a heap of trouble yesterday if you had helped me with my needs, instead of putting yours first, when mine needed to be first yesterday. 


By the way, I even took out the trash to the trash can. Usually Bert does that =) I think that's three acts of kindness for making up for my three small outbursts to him yesterday. I LOVE YOU HONEY! 

Love Dare, Day One

For the next forty days, I will be taking the 40-day love dare challenge.  I will blog about it and share what experiences thrive or dive from them.  I am sure many are wondering why I am even bothering to blog about it.  I have always been a writer by heart.  The best way a writer can connect to their readers is through observation and experience. However, I am going to be optimistic.  I know something positive will come out of this challenge! Even if the first dare didn't prove so positive. 


I will say upon starting the love dare, clear your schedule. That is, if you are like me and lack in the area of patience. I feel like I am stuck in a rut on wanting to attempt to finish the rest of the 39 other dares because the first did not go as planned. My husband and I both failed and let the devil try our patience.  The first dare is to resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. It's better to hold your tongue than to say anything negative at all that you will regret. 


I think we all have different struggles in our marriages. As believers we we are at different stages in our walk and we may have different convictions. Not once, but three times yesterday my husband pushed my buttons that triggered angry words and thoughts about him. Later on the devil got the best of me and I unleashed and let the word vomit out of my big mouth. I tried to remember the challenge of the day. But it was hard. I had already lost my patience and my tempter with him. I did not voice my opinion to my husband in a Godly manner. I'm not proud of how I reacted to the particular situation. Today I have done nothing but reflect on the situation and now I leave it in Gods hands. I'm leaving it at that. 


Thank you Jesus. We made it through the first challenge. I'm praying that the Lord will show me how to practice the act of patience. I need to learn it plays a big role in our marriage. I want our marriage to stand tall on the two pillars of patience and kindness. AMEN.

1 Corinthians 13:13

And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these [is] charity.

Ephesians 4:2

With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; 

Love is life's most powerful motivator!

Love changes our motivation for living.

Love is built on two pillars: Patience & Kindness

Love will inspire you to become a patient person.

Patience brings an internal calm during an external storm.

Patience stops problems in their tracks.

~Quotes from The Love Dare